Tag Archives: Just for Laughs

The Anvil Tree

by Al Myers

People often ask Thom where his fascination with anvils began.   It all started with a blow to the head…..

"All right Thom, you just go right ahead! I've warned you enough times about playing under the anvil tree!"

CREDIT:  The Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #4 Issue #2

Just for Laughs: Scotty “Caber Killer” Campbell

by Thom Van Vleck

This issue we spotlight a relatively new athlete to HASA:  Scotty “Caber Killer” Campbell. (Scotty elicited these comments recently)

Scotty "The Caber Killer" getting ready to slay another caber. That's me standing there with my hand on the caber and head bowed. I'm PRAYING that the Caber Killer won't turn this nice innocent caber into firewood! (photo credit Al Myers)

I first met Scotty at the Heathen Games (AKA Wakenny Games, Festival of Beltane, and Seamus’s Follies).  It was there I first detected his disdain for the big stick.  In particular when the rest of us were turning their biggest stick with our eyes closed and one hand tied behind our back, I noticed that the Caber Killer first showed his face, much like Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk.  Scotty couldn’t get a turn and he slammed the stick down (at the time I thought it was an accident), and snapped the end.  But now, I know it was the ……CABER KILLER!!!!!!

Liam had these comments in regards to the Backyard Games:

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly.  Fine games.  Except for the weather.   Try to order better weather next time.  And maybe you could use a rubber tree for your next caber.   Then maybe Scott “the Caber Slayer” Campbell can be thwarted in his attemp to rid the universe of evil timber.  The rain forest must shudder at the mere mention of his name.

Then “Big Shot” Al Myers weighed in (pun intended) with this comment:

As for a good solution to keep Scotty from breaking cabers, just put a price sticker on them!!!

AD’s beware.  The Caber Killer is lurking near your meet this summer.  Unless, of course, he becomes too whipped after his wedding and we never see him again. (Sorry, Scott, couldn’t resist, I guess you’ll show her who wears the pants in your family…..uhhhh….poor choice of words.)

CREDIT:  The Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #5, Issue #1

Just for Laughs – the King of Beasts Training System

by Thom Van Vleck

What do the two guys on the left and the lion on the right have in common? They both follow the King of Beasts Training System. The program's innovator Mitch Ridout is pictured on the left, and his one pupil Tedd Van Vleck is to his right.

It is my goal in life to make the King of Beasts or KOB training system as famous as the ab roller or Tony Little’s “Gazelle” fitness system.  As a matter of fact, when you think of Mitch think of Tony Little.  For those of you unfamiliar with the KOB it is based heavily on Mitch’s keen observation of the “real” KING OF BEASTS, the mighty lion.  The lion lays around all day “recuperating” (a key principle).  He only gets up for a contest (fight) and for sex (Mitch’s wife is expecting twins).  Diet is primarily very rare meat and lots of it, followed by extended slumber.

Anyhow, the KOB training tip of the month has to do with cross training.  Mitch has taken up Scotland’s “other” sport (no, not curling). Golf, yes, GOLF!  They call it a sport and I guess it is one.  Mitch likes to cross train with golf as it requires little real effort and if you have a cart it requires almost no effort at all.  Plus, it can be quite satisfying to the ego.  Afterall, Mitch could never throw the hammer or 28 a hundred yards and he can hit a golf ball almost that far….all in the air, too.  Mitch really wows them when he takes his driver three turns around like his hammer before actually hitting the ball.  Occassionally, he actually lets go of the driver and tape measures it before moving on to the bunkers. 

So the tip of the month is:  Cross training with Golf!!!  You’ll feel like the KING OF BEASTS!!! 

(Webmaster’s comment:  The KOB Training System must be catching on.  I hear another JWC member, Tedd Van Vleck, has taken it up as well, and is making an attempt at Golf.  It is also rumored that Tedd has purchased a Big Green Egg to add the meat element to the KOB program he’s on.  Don’t be discouraged Tedd, as succeeding on two out of three key parts of the KOB Program is not that bad!!!!)

CREDIT:  Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #1, Issue #3

Just for Laughs – more funny stuff

by Thom Van Vleck

Recently, Kevin McAllister asked some of his fellow HASA athletes for their training routines.  Some of them were so important to development of the all round athlete I felt I should include them in this newsletter.

Here was Larry Ventress’ response:

Off season:  Lift like hell, throw a little bit
In season:  Lift like hell, throw a little bit more
Results:  I still stink
Post season: Depression sets in
Results:  The oreo cookies come out
Post Cookies:  Feel guilty about not training and eating too many cookies.
Results:  Lift like hell, throw a little bit and get ready for next year.

It’s a vicious cycle!  Hope this helps, Larry.

Al Myers replied:  I also “cycle” train like Larry, but mine goes like this.

Off season:  Powerlift as hard as possible to get stronger and tighten up all tendons/muscle groups
Early season:  Throw as hard as possible and loosen up all tendons/muscle groups
In season:  Pull or tear some major tendon/muscle groups.
Next year:  Start it all over again!!!

Mitch Ridout clean and pressing the Jackson Anvil. Mitch often won this "challenge event" following past HASA Highland Games. I believe his best effort was 14 reps with the 150# anvil - quite amazing! (photo courtesy of Al Myers)

Now, I will include Mitch Ridout’s “King of Beasts” Training Routine for the Highland Games.  Mitch believes strongly in the “KOB”.  It dictates a focus on recuperation.  Mitch say, “It is during the recuperation phase that muscle is actually built, the act of working out actually tears down muscle. Look at our friend, the mighty Lion, the KING OF BEASTS.  He will lay around all day getting up only to eat, have sex, or to deal with competition and he carries a mighty frame of muscle.”  Now, I can tell you….. I have watched Mitch train and he fervently believes in the KOB philosophy.  I have also had to listen to him sleep.  That guy can fall asleep before his head hits the pillow and his snoring will rattle window panes.  I also know that he follows the eating part religously, eating copious amounts of red meat in one sitting.  As for the sex part, you would have to ask his wife or Kevin McAllister as I do know Kevin invited him to “sleep” over one weekend when Kev’s wife was out of town.

COMING TOMORROW – THE DETAILS OF THE KOB TRAINING SYSTEM

CREDIT:  Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #3, Issue #1

Just for Laughs – Dave Glasgow is “My Personal Stalker”

by Thom Van Vleck

(Webmasters note:  This was written by Thom 10 years ago in the Bramaer Stone Tablet, but I think he was on to something.  Since I have just reread this, I have taken notice that Dave is “lurking” in the background of several pictures I have of Thom.  IS THIS JUST A COINCIDENCE??? )

Thom Van Vleck (right) and his stalker Dave Glasgow (left).

I am writing this to make everyone aware that Dave Glasgow is stalking me, and just in case he is successful and I am found dead under “mysterious” circumstances.  You may be next.

1.   I am judging the Mid-America Masters in 2002.   Dave is throwing the 22lb hammer and I am safely behind the cage carefully watching him for any transgression of the rules.  Suddenly, the hammer head comes off the handle and it punctures the cage hitting me in my ankle.  The impact tattooed the pattern of my sock into the ball of my ankle.  Luckily, my “cat like” reflexes allowed me to move before the hammer took my whole leg off causing me to bleed to death.  I’m not sure how Dave got that hammer head to come off at that precise moment, but he’s old and crafty (esp. old).  Then, and I’m not sure how he did it, but when I got home my water heater had burst flooding my house.  I’m not sure how he drove 185 miles to my house and sabotaged my water heater (after all, it was only 20 years old and barely half covered with rust), but he did it and got back to KC in between throws.

I took this picture a few weeks ago at the Ledaig Record Breaker. I didn't notice it at the time, but doesn't it look like Dave is "eyeballing" Thom? But then again do I blame him - I would be doing the same if Thom was carrying on a private conversation with MY WIFE! (photo by Al Myers)

2.  At that time, I was thinking it just a coincidence.  However, as I read through an old issue of Dan DeWelt’s old magazine I spied a picture of me throwing the stone.  Not that it was unusual that there was a picture of me, a top notch athlete (I would say world class, but I don’t like to brag….my wife once told me that…. but she stuttered at the end which made it sound like she said “World class ass”, but that was just a stutter… I’m sure).  At any rate, as I admired the picture of myself and the fine form I was demonstrating I saw it.  There he was, Dave Glasgow, standing in the background staring at me.  Obviously, he was casing me out at that early time, but I had been unaware.  But now I was on to him.

After a hot day throwing at the Ledaig Highland Games, Thom stripped down and cooled off in the tank. Of course I had to take his picture. But wait.... I think I recognize that kilt in the background!!!! Is it the stalker??? (photo by Al Myers)

3.   I began to notice Dave was everywhere.  It seemed that nearly half the highland games I went to, Dave was there, too.   Obviously this was getting serious.  He was following me.  But I had to be cool, and not let him know I was onto him.  I needed to keep the element of surprise on my side.  I told only a few my suspicions, but they all obviously agreed.  When I pointed out the picture of Dave “stalking” me, Steve Scott looked at me and laughed (obviously to keep from arousing suspicions) and said, “Oh, sure, obviously”.  And then he quickly left and didn’t talk to me again all day, which I am sure was to keep from arousing suspicions.

4.  Most recently, Dave came up to my HASA championships.  Sure, he was acting so nice, giving me a pitch fork, custom made, and acting as a judge for me.  But I was on to him.  However, Dave is a crafty one.  I was able to keep him in my sites all day, but the bastard waited until I was asleep.  He came out and sabotaged my sewer line that night causing my basement to flood.  Then, just to rub salt in the wound, he came out to my house to “visit” me and then when I went to show him my basement workout area only to find it flooded, he pretended he didn’t know a thing and actually tried to help me fix it.  Oh sure, he seems like a nice guy, but let this be your warning.  Dave Glasgow is a Stalker!!!!!!!!!!!

CREDIT:  The Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #4 Issue #4

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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