The Most Sexy Bald Men in IAWA

by the DINO MAN,  AUTHORITY ON BALD WEIGHTLIFTERS

Just when you think the USAWA website has stooped to a new “all time low”, I try to take things a little deeper.  Thus today’s story. You know – our organization is loaded with bald lifters.  Several of these All-Round muscle-men got chrome-domes that radiate sexy.  It is a proven fact that baldness is a sign of vitality and virility (I think I read that in Mens Health…).   I have been known to shave my head for a big meet every now and then – just to give myself that extra BOOST of testosterone that comes from having a sweaty shiny crown!!!   I think is about time that these bald guys get a little recognition, so I conducted a survey of the MOST SEXY BALD MEN in IAWA.  Of course, I couldn’t make this decision by myself  so I assimilated a panel of women to make this big decision so it’s totally impartial on my part.  I collected pictures of all the good looking bald guys in IAWA and presented them to the panel to make a ranking.  I’m only going to reveal the TOP FIVE, but there were over 20 pictures entered.  Just in case you wondered – only lifters that have competed in the IAWA Gold Cup or the IAWA Worlds within the past 3 years were entered.  I’m keeping the identities of this panel a secret – as I don’t want them to get any complaints personally for not being picked,  or worse yet, words of passion  from a bald headed romeo.

Let the countdown begin to NUMBER ONE!!!

5.  Graham Saxton, ENGLAND

Graham Saxton

This burly built muscle bound man oozes sexyness from his shiny noggin.  I want to mention that Graham wasn’t always bald (I have pictures of him sporting a full head of hair and a beard!), but that was before he became handsome.  

4.  John Gardner, ENGLAND

John Gardner

I was somewhat surprised with Big John making the top five.   However, as one of the panelist remarked, “he looks like a big teddy bear to me”. Another lady said she would just love to rub his head, as she was sure it would bring her good luck.

3.  Chad Ullom, UNITED STATES

Chad Ullom

Chad was the only American to make the top five.  Comments from the panel ranged from, “he looks like a crazy man”, to “I bet he knows how to have fun”. 

2.  Andy Tomlin, SCOTLAND

Andy Tomlin

I expected Andy to make it to the top of this competition.  Andy has the perfect bald head – it’s perfectly shaped and it looks like he doesn’t even have to shave it!!  It’s always glossy.  I suspect that he waxes it. 

1.  Peter Phillips, AUSTRALIA

Peter Phillips

Peter didn’t just win the voting majority of the panel for top spot, he had TWICE as many votes as anyone else!  That makes Peter the SEXIEST BALD MAN IN IAWA.   I know Peter – and from what he has told me he is also quite the romantic.  When in Perth last year, he took several of us to this peaceful little stream outside of the city.  It was a beautiful quiet spot.  Peter told me, “this is the place I like to bring  a Sheila and enjoy a nice bottle of wine.”  I just know his perfected bald head probably helps out the romance.

CONGRATS to all bald men in IAWA!!! This is your day!!!!

COMING SOON FROM THE DINO MAN – the men in IAWA with the best hair!!

Dear Dino Man

by the Dino Man

Marriage Advice for the Weightlifter

No wife cares what your max deadlift is. If you want to impress her with your strength, do what the Dino Man did, and show her that you can still pick her up and carry her around the beaches of Jamaica after 25 years of marriage!

Dear Dino Man,

It bothers me that my wife doesn’t seem impressed with my strength gains.  When I try to talk to her about it, she acts like she isn’t listening to me.  How should I handle this?

First – face the facts – she’s NOT interested in your strength gains.  She only cares that you have enough strength to take out the garbage or move a piece of furniture for her.  Other than that she doesn’t care at all.  Accept it.   And whatever you do – don’t try to talk to her about the latest lifting program you’re on.  She cares about hearing all about that even less.  If you want to impress her with your strength, just throw her over your shoulder every now and then.  Women love that.

Dear Dino Man,

My wife wants to go to the gym with me when I train.  I really don’t want her to go along, but how do I tell her this without making her mad?

Just make her mad and tell her that you don’t want her there!   I doubt if she is really lifting anyhow.  She just wants to be there to keep an eye on you.  She “pretends” to be on the exercise bike with her head phones on (but they’re not) and in fact she is listening to every word you say to the guys – am I right?   My experience with hanging around gyms all my life is that relationships rarely last when one spouse only goes to the gym to “be with” the serious lifting spouse. (this goes for husbands as well!).    Truthfully, I go to the gym to get away from my wife for a while – that doesn’t mean I don’t love her dearly, it’s just that I need my space every now and then, and the gym is the place I go to for that!  Plus, every time your wife tags along with you to the gym your workout buddies are talking about you behind your back, wondering when you are ever going to grow a set and tell her to stay home!!

Dear Dino Man,

I want to display my lifting trophies on the mantle in our living room, but my wife doesn’t want them there – something about they don’t match the décor she has for the room.  What should I do??

No wife wants your tacky weightlifting trophies mucking up her domain. The living room is her domain just as the gym is yours.  Would you want her to put scented candles and a flower vase next to the squat cage?  Get the trophies out of there before she throws them out!  This is a fight not worth fighting.   Put them in the basement, the garage, the attic, or under the bed, and go there to look at them if you have to.

Dear Dino Man,

I want to buy a new pair of squat shoes but my wife won’t let me.   But she buys new shoes all the time!  What do I do!

This is what I do when I want to buy something for the gym that my wife doesn’t want me to buy.  Every time she buys something frivolous that she thinks I might not approve of, I steal the remaining cash out of her purse.  She never mentions it to me because she’s feeling guilty over that new pair of shoes she just bought, and doesn’t want me to bring it up.  When I accumulate enough of this cash, I buy what I want for the gym.  When she asks about the new gym item, I tell her Scott bought it!  Foolproof plan if you ask me. 

Dear Dino Man,

My wife just started competing in powerlifting.  I have noticed since she has been squatting heavy her gluteus has become much more muscular and enlarged.  How big will it get??

Much bigger – and what is your problem with that?  That sounds like a good thing to me.

Marriage tip for weightlifters (more expert advice from the Dino Man)

I have good news for all you heavy lifters, who through the years have developed a Squat Belly (much like a beer belly, ok, it looks like a beer belly, but IT’S NOT!).  No longer do you have to worry about this being a problem in your marriage.  I just read in Women’s Health that marriages are MUCH HAPPIER if the husband has a bigger gut than his wife.  Something about it makes the wife feel less insecure in the relationship, or whatever.  This is a fact – and backed with a scientific study and all.   So there you have it – weightlifting leads to a happier marriage!!  (as long as you don’t let her follow you to the gym that is…)

Coming next to the Dear Dino Man Advice Column:  “other uses for muscle rubbing liniments”

Dear Dino Man

by Al Myers

I get HUNDREDS of questions per month from individuals pertaining to weight lifting or other matters since I have been webmaster of the USAWA Website. I guess that goes along with making your email address publicly known on a website. People are always looking for free advice and the internet provides plenty of it – some good and some not so good. I try to respond to most questions, but there are lots I don’t get around to. I hate to deprive the USAWA Daily News readers of these “email exchanges” so I’ve decided to start an advice column to share some of these questions and my responses. Maybe it will answer a few questions that I repeatedly receive, and cut out having to answer the same question over and over again. I have decided to name this column Dear Dino Man. I am leaving off the names of the email senders – to insure confidentially and possible embarrassment.

Dear Dino Man,

How do I go about learning these all round lifts?

The best place to start is by reading the USAWA Rulebook, located in its entirety on the website. The USAWA Rulebook contains not only the rules of the lifts, but also descriptions in how they are performed. Several of the lifts have been highlighted on the website in the past that give more details. This information can be found by doing a search on the website. We also have a YouTube account that has videos of many of the lifts. It is also linked to the website. However, the best way to learn about the USAWA is to just go to a competition and meet lifters who have experience in all-round weightlifting. All the members of the USAWA are more than willing to help someone new. Of course, if you have specific questions I would be happy to answer them!

Dear Dino Man,

What types of bows are allowed in the USAWA?

You have the wrong USAWA. The one you’re interested in is the United States Association of Wingshooting Archers located at usawa.org. We are All-Round Weightlifters and that is why, at the top of our website, we have a logo of a weightlifter instead of an archer. I just want to mention that in case that was confusing you.

Dear Dino Man,

Sorry my check for my membership dues bounced. The next one is in the mail and it’s good.

Sure it is and I’m planning on deadlifting 1000 pounds tonight.

Dear Dino Man,

When I look at the pictures of some of the lifts on your website, I can’t believe they are real. Is it possible some were done with fake plates? Those pictures of Steve Schmidt lifting all that weight can’t be real.

All lifts in the USAWA are done with real plates by real lifters. There is nothing fake about Steve’s 2000 plus pound Hip Lifts or his 3000 pound plus Harness Lifts – just hard to believe. I have seen Steve Schmidt lift first hand and he’s the “real deal”. And trust me, I’m a doctor.

Dear Dino Man,

Why can’t we wear knee wraps and super suits in the USAWA?

Because the USAWA is about REAL STRENGTH and not FAKE STRENGTH! Plus wearing that gear makes you look like a goofball instead of a weightlifter.

Dear Dino Man,

How do all the guys in your gym get so big and strong? I weigh 150 pounds and can’t seem to gain weight. Someday I hope to weigh 300 pounds of solid muscle.

Because we are on the Seefood Diet. If we see it – we eat it.   Add in an extra helping of daily heavy weight training and someday you will reach your goal.

Dear Dino Man,

Does your dino gym ever get tired of whooping it up on the JWC?

And does a kid ever get tired of eating ice cream??? NO – CAUSE IT TASTES GOOD!!

Dear Dino Man,

I just love it when you put pictures of the Champ on the website. He is so good looking and sexy!!  I would love to meet him and hopefully date him cause he’s built like a real man. Do you know if he is single?

Sorry, I’m afraid not. STUDS like THE CHAMP don’t stay on the market long.  But if you are interested, I could send you the details about joining his fan club.  He is a real All-Round Weightlifting celebrity and has the ego to match it – which you should have been able to guess by the fact that he calls himself  “The Champ”.

(WEBMASTER COMMENT:  All these are real questions with real answers.  The rumor that the Dino Man makes up stories and stretches the truth is incorrect, and is probably being propagated by jealous rivals who lack the witty repertoire of humor that bestows the Dino Man. )

Dear Dino Man

by Al Myers

I get HUNDREDS of questions per month from individuals pertaining to weight lifting or other matters since I have been webmaster of the USAWA Website. I guess that goes along with making your email address publicly known on a website. People are always looking for free advice and the internet provides plenty of it – some good and some not so good. I try to respond to most questions, but there are lots I don’t get around to. I hate to deprive the USAWA Daily News readers of these “email exchanges” so I’ve decided to start an advice column to share some of these questions and my responses. Maybe it will answer a few questions that I repeatedly receive, and cut out having to answer the same question over and over again. I have decided to name this column Dear Dino Man. I am leaving off the names of the email senders – to insure confidentially and possible embarrassment.

Dear Dino Man,

I am interested in all round weightlifting, and would like to know where to find out more information and a listing of the competitions. Where do I find this?

It’s all on the USAWA website – the same place you found my email address.

Dear Dino Man,

Our company (fill in the blank) sells (fill in the blank) and would like you to link our website to yours. Would you do that?

Sure – and how much do you plan to donate to the USAWA in yearly sponsorship? (followed by no response from the sender).

Dear Dino Man,

Im 17 years old and been liftin waites for 6 months now. Me and mine buddies is allready lot stronger than u guys. We train at the high school, and coach tells us we need to do a liftin meat cuz wear so good. We think ur meats sound fun and we no we would be da champions. How big uf trophes will get?

For the time being, it sounds like it would be best if you focus on your academic studies, and if you get time  take a course in humility.

Dear Dino Man,

Is the bench press and the roman chair bench press the same thing?

No, not even close.

Dear Dino Man,

I really enjoy the USAWA website! Thank you for the refreshing approach to weightlifting that I don’t see any more. I especially like the stories written by Thom Van Vleck. Is he someone famous?

Thom is indeed someone famous! He has written many articles published in MILO and other strength publications. He has weight trained for over 30 years and has a wealth of lifting knowledge.  He has directed many competitions (Highland Games and Weightlifting) and is a real leader in the strength World. He is also the assistant webmaster of the USAWA website. I only wish he would contribute a little more often instead of leaving most of the work to me.

(Disclaimer: Dear Dino Man provides answers that may fall into the grouping of “not so good” amongst the multitude of  free internet advice)